“She used to. First few weeks, she asked for you constantly. Cried every night. Asked why Mommy wasn’t coming back.” The nurse’s voice hardened. “Thomas was the one who held her while she cried. Thomas was the one who told her she was loved. Thomas was the one who promised he’d never leave her.”
“And now?”
I couldn’t breathe. My daughter had replaced me. And I deserved it. God help me, I deserved it.
Inside the room, Thomas was reading to Lily from a picture book. His rough voice was gentle, animated, doing different voices for different characters. Lily was cuddled against her pillow, eyes heavy but fighting to stay awake.
“Don’t fall asleep yet, princess,” Thomas said softly. “We gotta finish the chapter.”
“I’m not sleeping,” Lily mumbled. “Just resting my eyes.”
Thomas chuckled. “That’s what I say too. But you know what? It’s okay to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise.”
“You always promise that.”
“And I always keep it, don’t I?”
Lily nodded sleepily. “You never leave me. Not like…”
Not like Mommy. That’s what she was going to say. Not like the mother who walked out and never came back.
Thomas stroked her hair gently. “Some people have a hard time being strong, princess. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Sometimes people get scared and do things they regret.”
“Do you think Mommy regrets leaving me?”
My heart shattered into a million pieces.
Thomas was quiet for a moment. “I think your mommy thinks about you every single day. I think she loves you more than anything in the world. And I think she’s going to come back someday when she’s strong enough.”
“But what if she doesn’t?”
“Then you’ve still got me. You’ve got the nurses who love you. You’ve got Dr. Martinez who thinks you’re the bravest kid she’s ever met.” He squeezed her hand. “You’re not alone, Lily. You’re never going to be alone. I promise you that.”
“I love you too, princess. More than all the motorcycles in the world.”
She smiled in her sleep. And this rough, tough-looking biker sat there holding her tiny hand, tears streaming down his weathered face.
I must have made a sound because Thomas looked up. Our eyes met through the crack in the door. He didn’t look angry. He didn’t look judgmental. He just looked sad.
He gently released Lily’s hand and walked to the door. Stepped out into the hallway. Closed the door quietly behind him.
For a long moment, we just stood there. This massive biker in his leather jacket and me, the mother who’d abandoned her child.
“You’re Rebecca,” he said finally. It wasn’t a question.
“Yes.”
“She has your eyes.”
I started sobbing again. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to—I couldn’t—I just—”
Thomas held up his hand. “Stop. You don’t owe me an explanation. You owe her one. But not me.”
“Why?” I choked out. “Why did you stay with her? She’s not your family. You don’t know us.”
Thomas leaned against the wall. Suddenly he looked very tired. Very old.
“I had a granddaughter,” he said quietly. “Her name was Emma. She died three years ago. Same disease as Lily. Same age. Same blonde hair and blue eyes.”
My hand went to my mouth.
Continue reading…
